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The Power of Shame

Some time later, this happened: Absalom, David’s son, had a sister who was very attractive. Her name was Tamar. Amnon, also David’s son, was in love with her. Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar to the point of making himself sick over her. 2 SAMUEL 13:1-2 MSG

THE PATH TO SHAME STARTS IN YOUR MIND

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life. PROVERBS 4:23 NCV

We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 CORINTHIANS 10:4-5 NLT

She was a virgin, so he couldn’t see how he could get his hands on her. Amnon had a good friend, Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shimeah. Jonadab was exceptionally streetwise. He said to Amnon, “Why are you moping around like this, day after day—you, the son of the king! Tell me what’s eating at you.” “In a word, Tamar,” said Amnon. “My brother Absalom’s sister. I’m in love with her.” 2 SAMUEL 13:2-4 MSG

“The human heart is the most deceitful of ALL things and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” JEREMIAH 17:9 NLT

“Here’s what you do,” said Jonadab. “Go to bed and pretend you’re sick. When your father comes to visit you, say, ‘Have my sister Tamar come and prepare some supper for me here where I can watch her and she can feed me.’” 2 SAMUEL 13:5 MSG

BAD FRIENDS WILL LEAD YOU DOWN THE PATH OF SHAME

Don’t fool yourselves. Bad friends will destroy you. 1 CORINTHIANS 15:33 CEV

JESUS ATE WITH SINNERS, HE DIDN’T SIN WITH SINNERS

So Amnon took to his bed and acted sick. When the king came to visit, Amnon said, “Would you do me a favor? Have my sister Tamar come and make some nourishing dumplings here where I can watch her and be fed by her.” David sent word to Tamar who was home at the time: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare a meal for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house. She took dough, kneaded it, formed it into dumplings, and cooked them while he watched from his bed. But when she took the cooking pot and served him, he wouldn’t eat. Amnon said, “Clear everyone out of the house,” and they all cleared out. Then he said to Tamar, “Bring the food into my bedroom, where we can eat in privacy.” 2 SAMUEL 13:6-10 MSG

SIN LOVES SECRECY

She took the nourishing dumplings she had prepared and brought them to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she got ready to feed him, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, sister!” 2 SAMUEL 13:10-11 MSG

“No, brother!” she said, “Don’t hurt me! This kind of thing isn’t done in Israel! Don’t do this terrible thing! Where could I ever show my face? But he wouldn’t listen. Being much stronger than she, he raped her. No sooner had Amnon raped her than he hated her—an immense hatred. The hatred that he felt for her was greater than the love he’d had for her. “Get up,” he said, “and get out!” “Oh no, brother,” she said. “Please! This is an even worse evil than what you just did to me!” But he wouldn’t listen to her. He called for his valet. “Get rid of this woman. Get her out of my sight! And lock the door after her.” The valet threw her out and locked the door behind her. 2 SAMUEL 13:12-18 MSG

YOUR SIN WILL LEAD TO YOUR SHAME

THE ENEMY TEMPTS YOU TO SIN AND THEN TAUNTS YOU WITH SHAME

Tamar poured ashes on her head, then she ripped the long-sleeved gown, held her head in her hands, and walked away, sobbing as she went. Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has your brother Amnon had his way with you? Now, my dear sister, let’s keep it quiet—a family matter. He is, after all, your brother. Don’t take this so hard.” Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s home, bitter and desolate. 2 SAMUEL 13:19-20 MSG

THE ENEMY TRIES TO CONVINCE US THAT WE CAN HANDLE OUR SHAME ON OUR OWN

King David heard the whole story and was enraged but he didn’t discipline Amnon. David doted on him because he was his firstborn. 2 SAMUEL 13:21-22 MSG

IN OUR SHAME, PEOPLE WILL OFTEN FAIL US

Jesus got into the boat again and went back to the other side of the lake, where a large crowd gathered around him on the shore. Then a leader of the local synagogue, whose name was Jairus, arrived. When he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet, pleading fervently with him. “My little daughter is dying,” he said. “Please come and lay your hands on her; heal her so she can live.” Jesus went with him, and all the people followed, crowding around him. A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. 28 For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” MARK 5:21-28 NLT

IS THE SIZE OF YOUR FAITH BIGGER THAN THE WEIGHT OF YOUR SHAME?

Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition. Jesus realized at once that healing power had gone out from him, so he turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my robe?” His disciples said to him, “Look at this crowd pressing around you. How can you ask, ‘Who touched me?’” But he kept on looking around to see who had done it. MARK 5: 29-32 NLT

JESUS SEES YOU

Then the frightened woman, trembling at the realization of what had happened to her, came and fell to her knees in front of him and told him what she had done. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.” MARK 5: 33-34 NLT

THERE IS NO HEALING UNLESS YOU COME OUT OF HIDING

JESUS DOESN’T CALL US BY OUR SHAME; HE CALLS US BY OUR NAME

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.” ISAIAH 43:1 NLT

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. MATTHEW 11:28 NLT

My Notes

Personal Reflection Guide

Prepare your heart for a time of reflection with God by finding a quiet place. Ask Him to calm your heart. Allow your thoughts and feelings to become reasonably still. Take a few deep breaths. If you sense a need, go for a walk. When you are ready, invite Jesus into this time for His guidance and counsel. Ask Jesus to reveal an area of your life where you are carrying shame in your heart. This would be an area that makes you feel bad and not worthy of God’s love. What are your thoughts regarding this shame? Have a conversation with Jesus about each thought and whether or not it is from Him or Satan. Ask Him for His help in accepting the truth about what He says to you regarding this area of shame, and reject the lies of Satan. Pray Jesus will show you any actions you can take to protect your mind by having more godly influences in your life and by sharing this shame with Him and others. Using your imagination, put yourself under the loving gaze of Jesus. Bring your area of shame into His presence. Release this shame to Him for His healing. What are your feelings and thoughts after doing this? Ask Him to guide and empower you to take action this week to protect your mind from the lies of Satan that will hinder you from experiencing how much Jesus loves and accepts you.

Discussion Questions

Choose a couple of the following questions from each section that best fit your group. Or, have everyone read the questions, choosing which one(s) from each section that they feel led to respond to.

  1. START HERE: If you were to make a soundtrack for your life, what music would you choose?
  2. START HERE: If someone turned up the soundtrack of your mind (i.e. your strongest thoughts), what would they hear?
  3. KEEP GOING: How do you typically handle feelings of shame, do you tend to hide them, share them, or deal with them in another way?
  4. KEEP GOING: Read Mark 5:21-32 (NLT). What do you think gave this woman the courage to reach out to Jesus despite her shame?
  5. KEEP GOING: In Mark 5:30 (NLT), Jesus asks, "Who touched me?" in a crowded space. Why do you think He wanted the woman to come forward publicly rather than just letting her stay anonymous?
  6. KEEP GOING: How can your group help you feel safe to talk about shame?
  7. KEEP GOING: Read Matthew 11:28 (NLT). Is there an area of shame in your life that you've been trying to handle on your own? Would you be willing to share that with your group now and be prayed for?
  8. LIVE IT OUT: ”Jesus doesn't call us by our shame; He calls us by our name." How might your life look different if you truly believed this?
  9. LIVE IT OUT: How could you guard your heart and mind from internal and external pollution?
  10. LIVE IT OUT: How could you be a safe person for others to open up about their shame?