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How to Love Like a Grown-Up

LOVE: a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:11 NLT

Jesus wants me to put away my childish ideas and behaviors about love

Dear children, I will be with you only a little longer. And as I told the Jewish leaders, you will search for me, but you can’t come where I am going. So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” JOHN 13: 33-35 NLT

He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. ROMANS 5:6-8 MSG

AGAPE SAYS: YOUR DEFICIENCIES DON’T DETERMINE MY DEVOTION

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.””Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep. JOHN 21:15-17 NLT

Real love leads to real sacrifice

“No one has greater love [nor stronger commitment] than to lay down his own life for his friends.” JOHN 15:13 AMP

To love like a grown-up means to give up

“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” JOHN 21:18 NLT

Spiritual infancy is where we start but not where we stay

“… so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.” I PETER 1:22 NLT

“Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment.” I PETER 2:2 NLT

To grow up in your faith means to grow up in your love

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! PSALM 116: 1-2 NLT

My Notes

Personal Reflection Guide

Find a place where you can be alone with God for some time of reflection. Wait until you have become reasonably quiet in your feelings and thoughts. Take some deep breaths and a walk if you need to in order to become still within. Commit the time to the Lord for His purposes. When you are ready, consider loving others as Jesus has loved you. Think about how Jesus loved you when He died a horrible death for you, even when you did not deserve it. What are your thoughts and feelings regarding this demonstration of His mature love? What impresses you about Jesus’ standard of love? Ask God to help you recall how you have not loved others with mature attitudes, thoughts, or actions. Picture how your relationships would improve by loving them with His sacrificial love. Pray that He will reveal what you can do or give up to experience more of His mature love for others. What is one action God has impressed upon you that He wants to help you take this week to love others more like He does? Close your time by asking Jesus to give you a glimpse of where He might want to take you as you journey into loving others more like He does.

Discussion Questions

Choose a couple of the following questions from each section that best fit your group. Or, have everyone read the questions, choosing which one(s) from each section that they feel led to respond to.

  1. START HERE: What were your favorite childhood toys growing up?
  2. START HERE: What are some of the potential implications if we only think of love as a feeling?
  3. KEEP GOING: Read 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NLT). Think about your childhood. How did you see life differently then than you do now?
  4. KEEP GOING: To grow up in your faith you must grow up in your love. What are the childish thoughts, ideas, or behaviors about love that you need to put away?
  5. KEEP GOING: Where in your life have you seen the effects of “love” that changed due to someone’s deficiencies?
  6. KEEP GOING: What do you need to grow in, in order to become (or continue to be) the kind of person who loves others in spite of their deficiencies?
  7. KEEP GOING: Look back a year, five years, ten years—how have you matured relationally with God and others?
  8. LIVE IT OUT: “God has great plans for your life if you would just be willing to wait…” What do you sense God is asking you to wait on (or for) in this season in your life?
  9. LIVE IT OUT: Pride/Selfishness/Anger/Unforgiveness… Which of these tends to be more of a struggle for you, and how have you seen it impact your relationships?
  10. LIVE IT OUT: Read John 13:34-35 (NLT). What would radical love look like in your personal sphere?