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Why You Can’t Change

How to change when you don’t want to:

You can’t 

And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway… I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.  ROMANS 7:18-19, 21-23 NLT 

Things that really don’t change people: 

Only Jesus can truly change me 

Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. ROMANS 7:24-25 NLT 

To truly change, I must be born again

Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”  JOHN 3:1-8 ESV

Why do I have to be born again? 

Being born again allows me to see the real problem

Nicodemus said to him, “How can these things be?” Jesus answered him, “Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? JOHN 3:9-10 NASB

Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins…following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. EPHESIANS 2:1-2 NLT 

Being born again allows me to experience God’s real love 

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) EPHESIANS 2:4-5 NLT 

Being born again allows me to be changed!

This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace. COLOSSIANS 1:6 NLT 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.  JOHN 3:16-17 ESV

My Notes

Personal Reflection Guide

Find a quiet place and spend a few moments clearing your mind and heart of distractions. Wait until you are reasonably still. When you sense you are ready, invite God to guide you during this time. Think about the fact that only God can truly change you. Ask him to help you discern what you have relied on in the past to change rather than depending on God. Recall something in your life that you would like changed in order to be more like Jesus. Reflect on what you have done to try to change in this area. What has this effort been like for you? Imagine what your life would look like if you were significantly changed in this area. What feelings surface as you picture the change in your life? Talk to God about this experience. Pray he will help you to trust him more to make this change. Ask him, “How can I better cooperate with you in making this change?” Pray for God to show you one action he wants you to take this week to partner with him to make this change. Thank him when he does help you to take this action. Share with someone you trust about this experience.

Discussion Questions

  1. Leaders Note: Our hope is that there can be a time for open, honest confession in your group this week. If your group includes both men and women, this might be a good week to consider meeting separately based on everyone’s comfort level. 
  3. What have you been learning about yourself, God or others in your personal Bible reading time? What stood out to you this week?
  4. What is one thing you have repeatedly tried to change of your own but haven't been able to make the change stick?
  5. Read Romans 7:18-23. What specific sin are you still a slave to and what can you change to win the war against it? 
  6. Read Romans 7:24-25. In what ways does knowing that Jesus is the answer help you in your struggle and what can you practically do to turn to him for the help you crave? 
  7. Read Ephesians 2:1-10. When and why did you decide to yield your life to follow Jesus? If you haven't yet, what is holding you back?
  8. Read Colossians 1:6. What can you do this week to do your part in making sure the good news about Jesus continues to go out all over your part of the world?