“So the LORD sent Nathan the prophet to tell David this story: ‘There were two men in a certain town. One was rich, and one was poor. The rich man owned a great many sheep and cattle. The poor man owned nothing but one little lamb he had bought. He raised that little lamb, and it grew up with his children. It ate from the man’s own plate and drank from his cup. He cuddled it in his arms like a baby daughter. One day a guest arrived at the home of the rich man. But instead of killing an animal from his own flock or herd, he took the poor man’s lamb and killed it and prepared it for his guest.’ David was furious. ‘As surely as the LORD lives,’ he vowed, ‘any man who would do such a thing deserves to die! He must repay four lambs to the poor man for the one he stole and for having no pity.’ Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are that man! The LORD, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife. From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own… Then David confessed to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the LORD.’ Nathan replied, ‘Yes, but the LORD has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.’” 2 SAMUEL 12:1-10; 13 NLT
The Challenger
Reflects: God’s Power
“So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.” PSALM 71:18 ESV
When Healthy…
- The Challenger is strong and confident.
- The Challenger wants the world to be more just.
- The Challenger communicates directly.
- The Challenger leads and influences others.
- The Challenger is protective for those whom they see as vulnerable.
- The Challenger is always in pursuit of tenderness and mercy.
When Unhealthy…
- The Challenger uses power to dominate others to get things done their way.
- The Challenger avoids being vulnerable.
- The Challenger is forceful, insensitive and/or combative.
- The Challenger can be relationally clueless by missing out on facial cues. They are unable to read the room.
- The Challenger doesn’t see the value, opinions, and experiences of others.
- Core sin: Lust
“But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” 1 CORINTHIANS 9:27 ESV
- Needs: To be in control
- Fear: Being exposed
How the Challenger can be real with Self:
“There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.” JAMES 2:13 NLT
How the Challenger can be real with Others:
“But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy.” JAMES 3:17 NLT
How the Challenger can be real with God:
“That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 CORINTHIANS 12:10 NLT
How to love a Challenger:
- Notice when they are tender, but don’t flatter them
- Speak directly
- Stand up for yourself and them
- Don’t assume they meant to be hurtful
- Understand that the world loves to attack them
My Notes
Personal Reflection Guide
Focus your attention on your thoughts and feelings. Allow them to become calm. When you are ready, ask God to reveal to you any policy, idea, or practice that he wants to use you to help change. Ask him, “What do I need to do to cooperate with you in bringing about this change? What are my feelings as I think about doing this with you? What do my feelings reveal about my dependence on you to do it?” Pray he will guide you this week to take an action that helps make this change. Ask him to enable you to be sensitive and gentle with the people involved in taking this action. Write down what God reveals in the space below.
Next, invite God to reveal any areas in your life where you are being overbearing, challenging, or “coming against” in unhealthy ways. Ask God to reveal what fears are beneath the surface and motivating these behaviors? What would it look like to embrace vulnerability in these situations instead? Write these down as well, and share with the group if you are comfortable.
Discussion Questions
- LEADER’S NOTE: Take the first 5-10 minutes of group time to have everyone do the Personal Reflection Guide (linked on the sermon notes). You may want to set a timer, play some soft music, etc. Once you notice people finishing up, transition to group discussion time with a short prayer, then open by asking people to share what that experience was like, if they feel comfortable.
- REAL WITH SELF: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself in showing tenderness and mercy to others?
- REAL WITH OTHERS: Has there been a time where you were too blunt and ended up hurting someone? Or perhaps you were on the receiving end of this kind of interaction? What would it have looked like to have shown (or been shown) mercy and tenderness in that situation? How might the situation have been resolved differently with this approach?
- REAL WITH OTHERS: In what areas of your life do you need to slow down and consider others’ opinions/points of view more? In what areas of your life do you need to learn to speak more clearly and directly confront?
- REAL WITH GOD: If you can’t learn to be under someone else’s control, you will have a hard time following Jesus. What makes it hard for you to give up control?
- TAKE ACTION: Read James 2:13 (NLT). Reflect on an issue where you and someone in your life disagree strongly. What are some reasons their viewpoint has merit? Take a minute to recall an experience you have had that would support their point of view. What steps can you take this week to soften your approach, showing that person that you are willing to listen to them and their reasoning, rather than simply “coming against”?
