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Learning How to Manage Relationships Like Jesus

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny. MATTHEW 5:21-26 NLT

JESUS IS INVITING ME INTO A DIFFERENT KIND OF FAMILY

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say… MATTHEW 5:21 NLT

I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE AS A MEMBER OF GOD’S FAMILY

So now you… are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family. EPHESIANS 2:19 NLT

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say… MATTHEW 5:21 NLT

I am writing these things to you now, even though I hope to be with you soon, so that if I am delayed, you will know how people must conduct themselves in the household of God. This is the church of the living God, which is the pillar and foundation of the truth. 1 TIMOTHY 3:14-15 NLT

AS MEMBERS OF GOD’S FAMILY:

WE DON’T EXCUSE OUR SIN BECAUSE OF ANGER

But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!… MATTHEW 5:22 NLT

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. EPHESIANS 4:26-27 NLT

WE TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR OUR WORDS

…If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell. MATTHEW 5:22 NLT

…but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. JAMES 3:8 NIV

WE’VE GOT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE UPSET WITH US

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. MATTHEW 5:23 NLT

I am not responsible for people who do not accept my apology.

I am responsible to sincerely apologize for whatever I can.

I can always apologize for these three things:

WE ARE ALWAYS READY TO FORGIVE AND WORK IT OUT

“When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison. And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny. MATTHEW 5:25-26 NLT

The win for the Christian is not winning the argument, it’s working it out.

Jesus says to work it out sooner than later.

Jesus tells us to deal with it, or He will deal with us.

For the time has come for judgment, and it must begin with God’s household. And if judgment begins with us, what terrible fate awaits those who have never obeyed God’s Good News? 1 PETER 4:17 NLT

My Notes

Personal Reflection Guide

Find a quiet place to reflect on your relationship with God. Take a few deep breaths and invite the Holy Spirit to guide your time together. Think about how you typically handle conflict. Growing up, what or who shaped your experiences with anger and conflict resolution? Thank God for the people in your life who have modeled healthy ways to deal with conflict. Ask God to help you work toward forgiveness with those who have not. As God’s family, Jesus calls us to a different way of managing relationships. Who in your life are you currently angry or experiencing conflict with? Think back on your interactions with that person. Ask God to show you anything you’ve said or done that could have left them feeling worse about themselves or your relationship. What would it look like to work toward making things right and forgiving each other? Remember, the Lord forgave you, and He calls us, His family, to be people of peace. End your time praying over that person and your relationship, asking God to give you the wisdom and courage to begin working it out this week.

Discussion Questions

(A) The R.E.A.L. Bible Study Method:

1. Read the Passage. Start by reading Matthew 5:21-26 (NLT) out loud.

2. Explore the Theme. What is the main point or theme of the passage? What does this passage reveal about God and/or humanity?

3. Ask God. How do we apply this passage to our lives today? How might God be encouraging or challenging you?

4. Live It Out. What prayerful and specific action will you take based on this passage?

(B) Choose a couple of questions from each section below to discuss as a group:

  1. START HERE: What are some things you learned growing up that you've had to unlearn as an adult?
  2. START HERE: Were there “unwritten rules” in your family? How have those affected the way you experience or handle conflict?
  3. START HERE: What are the major causes of conflict in relationships?
  4. KEEP GOING: Who has modeled healthy conflict resolution for you, and what have you learned from them?
  5. KEEP GOING: Read Matthew 5:21-26 (NLT). What are the consequences of waiting too long to confront or forgive someone?
  6. KEEP GOING: What defines us as God’s family?
  7. KEEP GOING: Think about a time when you were right and knew it, but the way you communicated was too harsh. What would you do differently?
  8. KEEP GOING: Read Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT). How can you better manage your anger so it doesn’t control you or destroy your relationships?
  9. LIVE IT OUT: Read Matthew 5:23 (NLT). Is there anyone in your life you need to make things right with before you return to worship God next weekend? What's the first step you can take toward working it out?
  10. LIVE IT OUT: How do you want to work toward becoming a person of peace, even when you don’t agree with others?