Jesus encourages me to see my part in the conflict
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye. LUKE 6:41-42 ESV
Jesus challenges me to talk with the person directly
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. MATTHEW 18:15 NLT
Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. EPHESIANS 4:3 NLT
How to deal directly with conflict:
Wait until I am not angry
A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, … and be patient with difficult people. 2 TIMOTHY 2:24 NLT
Approach them respectfully
Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. … 1 TIMOTHY 5:1 NLT
Narrow my topic
Listen intently
Give them the same grace I need
Celebrate the win!
… If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. MATTHEW 18:15 NLT
Jesus teaches me to get outside help for unresolved conflict
But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” MATTHEW 18:16 NIV
Jesus allows me to create relational boundaries
If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. MATTHEW 18:17 NLT
Jesus inspires me to keep praying for the person
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. … MATTHEW 5:43-45 NLT
My Notes
Personal Reflection Guide
Find a quiet place that helps you to relax and clear your mind of distracting thoughts. Take a few deep breaths to help calm your feelings and enable you to better listen to what God wants to say to you. Ask Him to guide you through this time of reflection. When you are ready, think about your experience with relational conflicts. What lessons have you learned from the past? Ask God to bring to mind a conflict you are currently having with a family member, a person at church, or anyone else. What thoughts and feelings arise as you think about this? Ask God how He would have you act in this situation. Take action this week by setting up a time to meet privately with this person. Pray that God will enable you to listen carefully to what that person has to say. Continue to ask God to guide you to take any appropriate follow-up action as you pray for them. Close your time by thanking God for His help and the good He will work out in resolving this conflict His way.
Discussion Questions
- What do you think keeps people from being able to acknowledge their part in times of conflict?
- How has relational conflict shaped your life?
- Read James 1:19-20. Listening is a skill that takes discipline and practice. What has worked in helping you be a better listener during conflict? Where would you like to grow as a better listener?
- Read Matthew 5:43-45 (NLT). What has been your experience as you have practiced praying for those who are on the opposing side of conflict with you?
- Which of the six things to work on when navigating conflict (waiting until anger passes, being respectful, narrowing the topic, listening intently, giving grace, and celebrating the win) is the most challenging for you, and why?
- Next steps: Recall Matthew 5:43-45. This world desperately needs more people who are acting like true children of the Father in heaven. As you imagine your home, workplace, and community, how could your actions in navigating conflict help improve these places?
