Conflict is never fun

Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting—and conflict. PROVERBS 17:1 NLT

Most conflict should be avoided

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ROMANS 12:18 NLT

Some conflict is unavoidable

After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. ACTS 15:36-39 NLT

In conflict:

The Gut Triad (8, 9, 1)

Process conflict instinctually and want justice. Are unaware of their emotional struggle with anger and its effects on others.
• The Challenger, 8: Is aggressive and not bothered by conflict
• The Peacemaker, 9: Is passive-aggressive and avoids conflict
• The Reformer, 1: Is regressive and uses conflict to get it right

The Heart Triad (2, 3, 4)

Process conflict through feelings and are unaware of their emotional struggle with shame and project it on others.
• The Helper, 2: Already knows what you need and should do
• The Achiever, 3: Wants to win, and is worried about appearance
• The Individualist, 4: Enjoys the drama and needs the emotional outlet

The Head Triad (5, 6, 7)

Process conflict through thinking and believe they are rational, but fear and anxiety are actually in the driver’s seat.
• The Observer, 5: Needs space and time to process their thoughts
• The Loyalist, 6: Is sure this is the end, chooses fight or flight
• The Enthusiast, 7: Has better things they could be doing

When conflict happens:

Don’t let anger get the best of you

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. EPHESIANS 4:26-27 NLT

Honor the person you are upset with in the process

…take delight in honoring each other. ROMANS 12:20 NLT
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. MATTHEW 18:15-17 NLT

Be the first to apologize

I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! JOB 42:6 MSG

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Community Group Discussion Guide

1. Read Proverbs 17:1. Are there certain types of conflict that are especially difficult or frustrating for you? Why?
2. Read Romans 12:18. What unnecessary conflicts have you experienced recently that could have or should have been avoided?
3. Read Matthew 18:15-17. As you look at the steps of biblical and healthy conflict resolution, where do you tend to get stuck in this process and why?
4. As you think about your life and relationships, what necessary conflicts do you need to engage in and how can this passage help guide you through it?
5. Read Ephesians 4:26-27. What role does anger (whether in the moment or stored as bitterness or resentment) play in your ability to have healthy conflict and what can we do to help?
6. Read Job 42:6. Who have you recently wronged that you need to apologize to? Do you think that will be easy or difficult for you and why?

Check out the Home tab for a weekly Personal Reflection Guide!